Casually Explained: Christmas

"They say that Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year, and we all have fond memories of unwrapping the new video game or toy we wanted as a kid on Christmas morning. But Christmas is completely different as an adult. You don't care so much about games or toys anymore because when you get a present from your mom, you're just praying it's money, socks, and underwear."

"Not only does he put coal in the stockings of children who misbehave, he also refuses to give poor kids a PS5."

"They just keep putting the decorations out earlier and earlier every year, don't they?"

"Nowadays, the idea that one person puts on a Christmas spread single-handedly for a whole extended family is as unrealistic as Homer Simpson owning a four-bedroom detached home in his 30s."

"The only good news is they usually sell the turkey and ham at a loss to get you in the door, then make profit on everything else."

"Now, if you're struggling at your family's Christmas dinner because your grandpa believes in Jesus but doesn't believe in trans people, and your cousin's making excuses again about why their latestage polycule couldn't make it, just know that if you're in that stage of your Shakespearean tragedy, it's important to remember that thinking your grandpa is out of touch is a lot more enjoyable than having to tell him, 'The bathroom's over here, Grandpa. Remember?' Don't worry, he doesn't have dementia. You just put a sign on your bathroom that says genderneutral."

"I do to get through family gatherings is set a stopwatch when I walk in the door to see how long it takes for someone to complain about Trump. While I'm usually clocking in the 4 to 5 minute range, it has been trending upwards, meaning I think nature is finally starting to heal, unlike America's global reputation."

"All you have to do is look at them and then ask yourself the question, 'How does this person feel about the Christmas industrial complex?' If you're like, 'Nah, that dude looks like he hates the decorations, hates shopping and women, constantly says Christmas is about the birth of the Lord, none of this other never gets the gifts he wanted, and is on his third maxed out credit card buying knockoff Nerf guns for his five kids. 100% MAGAR Republican.'"

"If you're like, 'Yeah, this person got every video game console they wanted growing up, loves decorations, worships women, constantly says Christmas is about people richer than them exploiting people poorer than them, has no kids, and has never given their friends a non-performative present in their life, 100% goolag communist Reddit mod.'"

"You could literally be in the trenches fighting another country and then on December 25th, both sides are like turducking."

"Santa can create anything in his workshop, including nuclear warheads, which he can deliver straight down anyone's chimney within 24 hours."

"The ultra subscription starting from $30 a month, which includes coverage for 121 destinations, airport lounge access, and fasttrack service to let you skip the lines at security and check-in."